Baby Etiquette

(Alternative Title; Things that annoy the snot out of this Momma)

I try my best not to be a 'Debby Downer', but every now and then a good rant is so very therapeutic. And in lieu of the holiday season approaching I figured a few etiquette tips would be a great disguise for this rant :) So in no particular order, here are the things I would suggest avoiding when interacting with children and/or their parents this holiday season, or at least when you are within spitting distance of me or I may just spit back at you, j/k...sorta:

1.) If you want to get my daughters attention, please don't call and whistle at her like she's a dog. She does know her name, and if she's not responding to it she's trying to ignore you. Instead I would suggest doing something more intersting than poking at her just to say hi. Otherwise I will not be held accountable when either my child or myself has this reaction to you.

2.) Please keep in mind that if I am holding my daughter and you get all up in her face, you are also getting all up in my face. Personal space people...even babies need it, those kissable cheeks will have to be admired in limited quantities, or from a distance.

"Don't bug me! I'm sleeping here!!"

3.) Please don't ask me every 5 minutes when my child will wake up from her nap, or jokingly threaten you are about to wake her up because she's taking too long. I know you are excited to see her, but nap time is vital to my sanity, and necessary down time for my daughter. As an adult I expect you to be able to amuse yourself, and/or keep your britches on for an hour or two. I promise, I'm not making my daughter take a nap just to annoy you.

4.) When taking a special outing with us, please don't bring along more than you are willing to carry yourself. While I understand some strollers are as big as a shopping cart, I utilize that space for things I need to care for my child. If I have to dig through all your bags, extra sweatshirt, jackets, bottled beverages, and whatever else you have shoved under there, or stop every few feet to access or stash said items my baby will not be the only one cranky in record time.

5.) When winding down for a nap, whether at home or in a strange place, my daughter will occasionally cry. Sometimes harder than others, sometimes longer than others. Please don't remind me every few minutes she is still crying, or claim that it is difficult to listen to her cry. This momma knows how heart wrenching it is to hear that cry, but also knows sometimes a few tears will fall before dream land descends.

"This is my fussy face!"

6.) When basking in my daughters adorableness, please remember to take into account what she needs, not just what you want. While it's hard to pass up some snuggle time, it might not be the right time for her. We have a very active curiouse munchkin, and holding her in one place might cause fussiness. This fussiness is not to be confused as her cue to be held more, but a plea for wiggle room. If you love her set her free!

7.) Don't assume just because I am a stay at home momma, I have all the time in the world to answer your calls, texts, emails, smoke signals, or any other form of communication. While some days I will be ably to accommodate you immediately, other times it may take a while- minutes, hours, even days, occasionally weeks. My slow/lack of response is not a personal attack on you...yet...

8.) If you ask a favor of me, and I arrange my schedule, and my child's schedule to accommodate you, do not call an hour before the agreed upon time for said favor, and ask to change things because it would be more convenient for you. That's just rude, and has the uncanny affect of causing the action of a face palm. I am more than capable of causing my own headaches thank you very much, your help is not appreciated. **Exception to this rule; if you are also a parent of a little one I understand life happens, you are allowed a pass, and a commissary pat/hug. We can reschedule at a time that works for both parties, perhaps at a time that a glass of wine can be involved.

"Hee, hee, hee! Momma's lost it again!"

And lastly while the above are all in good fun, disobeying them will only cause the wrath of this momma to descend on you and smush pie in your face under the ruse of an innocent trip, this last one is an absolute must and a serious issue...

9.) Please, please, PLEASE, for all that is good and right in the world, DO NOT slip my daughter a special treat unless you have cleared it with her parents first! We know what she is eating, what she can eat, and what may cause problems or bring harm to her. She may not be ready to ingest your special treat. Disregard to this rule WILL cause you physical harm. You are warned.

By simply following these simply guidelines, which come on, are really close to just common courtesy, you will ensure the best possible moods for all involved. Plus you have the added bonus of avoiding this face:

"You're an idiot!"

Best of luck and sanity to all the momma's this holiday season. May my unfortunate experiences not grace your festivities. I have encountered all of the above. Mostly from two 'unique' family members. I'm sure some of you can guess at least one of the offenders based on previous posts here (all though most of the above did not originate from her!). Perhaps some of you that know me in real life can guess the main offender. Ha!

Those few out there reading this, anything you would like to add to this list?