The Begining of the End

After a lot of discussion, like a lot a lot- nearly two weeks worth of discussion, I've decided it's time to start weaning Tegan, and thankfully the Hubs is on board too. It wasn't an easy decision to make especially with Tegan's current weight issues (although I doubt its ever really an easy decision to make), not to mention the added cost of buying formula (holy expensive batman!). I feel a bit relieved having made the decision. It also helps that we had an unofficial weight check mid month that puts Tegan at gaining a pound since her last appointment.

The timing just seems right for Tegan, I think she's started weaning herself anyway. And for me, I'll be relieved to have a way to acknowledge how much she's eating instead of guessing how much she's getting. Since we found out she had lost weight it's been really stressful on me trying to get her to eat what the medical society deems as enough when the only form of measuring I have is in minutes. In all honesty even before we knew there was a weight problem feedings had become really stressful trying to keep her focused. There's also the small factor that I've mentioned before, that feedings now are really painful! She doesn't actually bite, at least not often, but the mechanics have changed with the introduction of lil teeth.

Making the decision was only one step though, now we have to start the transition. We've tried a few times to give her a bottle but she just doesn't go for it, and quite frankly at this point if we were able to get her to take a bottle we'd just be getting her unused to them in a few months. So our game plan is to continue feeding her normally for a while longer while we get her used to a sippy cup. Once she can drink comfortably from her cup I'll start skipping one feeding at a time for a glass of formula with her solids. This seems like a good solution to everything. She'll keep getting breastmilk for a while and keep beefing up, we'll get her used to a sippy cup and ready for the transition to cows milk when she's one, and hopefully a reduced stress weaning situation. It sounds like a perfect plan in theory. I guess we'll have to wait and see how it works out in real life.

I'm happy with the timing. I'm happy with the plan. I'm happy with the decision. But in true parent form...I feel guilty. I feel guilty for asking the Hubs to work the cost of formula into the budget. I feel looming guilt for stressing out Tegan. I feel guilty for not giving Tegan the best when we're having trouble keeping her size up. But mostly I feel guilty that even with all those things listed above, overall I'm happy and relieved to have an end to breastfeeding in sight. I feel guilty that this isn't a harder decision for me to make. I'm ready to be done, and that's what gives me the most pause, and the most guilt.